You are the water filling my lungs, killing me softly

I am so restless in this house by myself. Sometimes having your own place is really lonely. Someone warned me that would happen. I am in such a mood to just do, anything, get the fuck out of here for a bit. The problem is for everyone else it's Monday night, so they can't be out bullshitting with me all night. I can't sleep though. I won't be able to for hours.

held onto it forever, just pushing it down


I went back to the gym today. I have been running and push ups and shit since the academy, but today was my first day back to the gym. I ran 4 miles in just under 30 minutes. Not bad. I guess I haven't totally lost everything I gained in those months. I actually saw my drill instructor at the gym on my way out. It was weird, but good to see her. She said I still looked good, so I guess I haven't really gained weight back. 11 new guys started today, she said they were a mess, but we always are in the beginning. I hope they stick it out though, we need some guys to relieve some of this overtime we are getting constantly. I hope too with the promotions coming through that I can get back on 2nd shift and maybe be slightly normal. It's rough working nights, having shitty days off. I feel like the rest of the world is passing me by.

My nephew is here. I hung out with him for a couple of hours after the gym. Spent some time with my parents too. They asked me about Melissa. I guess they really did/do like her. She just went to Fla to use some of her time off that she will lose. It just reminded me of vacations we're not going to be taking together. Sad.

i know i was not the man you wanted, although i loved you and wanted to make you proud. my intentions were to never give myself to anyone. look what i've done

Speaking of vacation, I am definitely going somewhere this year, September it looks like. Either Vegas or Colorado, I haven't decided yet. Troy is home from Iraq, he came with me to Eric's home from Iraq party on Saturday. I am so glad they both made it home safe and sound. Troy needs a break too, so we might try to go on vacation together somewhere. Just gotta figure out where and get the money shit worked out.

Anyway, gonna go edit some pictures. Try to get out of my head for a bit.

you take me for a fool
maybe you're right.
if i was wiser
i would not have let myself come here tonight.